According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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