You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
