Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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