Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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