I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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