i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
