just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
