You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
