i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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