I need help removing her.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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