i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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