I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
