Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
is wine microwaveable?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
