drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
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