I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
