we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Panties = found
Randomize
