Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
