tequila makes me forget i have legs
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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