so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I forget how to act sober
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
