highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
