Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
