I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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