On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
and you fell through a lawn chair
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
