He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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