Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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