I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
