i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
