dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
