Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
