I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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