i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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