TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
