i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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