dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
