my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
