my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
