Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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