dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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