dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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