The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
