we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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