Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
