There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
