Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
