all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
