It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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