Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
