Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
