so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
