It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
