All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
