The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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