Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
