we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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