BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
