is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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