I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
