Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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